Ho-hum...

Everything's becoming a routine...I haven't been myself the past several days. I tried a "self-check", although I didn't find anything that would serve as a catalyst for future depressions.

These depressions are usually partnered by drinking binges...

Now that I've mentioned it, I find myself wondering about the last time I had an alcohol-drinking spree.

My other half is currently busy with her new endeavor, a particular position where she would probably spend a lot of hours working in it.She seems happy with the post that was given to her. I know that she's been longing for something like this for at least 3 years now.

I then asked myself, when am I gonna work my ass up the ranks of the corporate ladder? I've been in this familiar situation in the past, wherein my other half was the one whose asking that question.

That was one of the turning points of our fragile relationship back then. We were already sailing in rough waters, and my happy-go-lucky attitude has made it even worse.

Oh well...those were the days...

On the other hand, I'm playing more basketball within the past 2 months. Giving up cigarettes was one of the best things I did for myself.

I noticed that no matter where you are, and who you're playing with, basketball teams share a common denominator - blaming.

What's nice about my current basketball team is that everyone was mature enough to admit their faults and accept defeat.

Ho-hum...what else?

Oh yeah, I'm finally getting a motorcycle. I'm kinda tired of using public transportation. Especially with the kind of work that I have. This is how it looks like:

My other half told me I should've gotten a car. I know it's expensive, but maybe I'll buy one in the future.

There's another thing I recently discovered at a particular hardware store which is located inside a shopping mall nearby. I have this habit of playing basketball even if I haven't got much sleep. This definitely affects how I play.

One day, I found this energy drink named "6-hour power energy shots". Apparently after gulping the entire contents of its 60ml bottle, you would immediately feel its effect. It's kinda steep though...(169 pesos per bottle).

The label doesn't lie...

After consuming the drink my heartrate increased...both of my hands went almost numb...and I felt excited as a young school boy who skipped class for the first time...

I was like that for 6 hours.

Sad thing though is that I wasn't able to play at yesterday's game against our neighbors in cvg. I came in late. (Hahaha...Thanks to a city's anniversary and its mayor's birthday, it was one helluva traffic jam)

Now that is what you call an energy drink.

Hahaha.

that frickin dream...(or nightmare)

I had this very bad dream about my other half turning her heels and going back to HIM. I thought I'd never wake up.From what I remember in exciting psychology lecture during my college days, dreams are extensions of our thoughts...Meaning when we're awake, our conscious brain does the thinking for us.

But when we're asleep, our subconscious creates all the thoughts and imaginations. I may be incorrect in quoting that, but that's what I remember (I hope my psychology professors will forgive me).

It seems like I've been thinking too much about a possible comeback. I'm trying to get rid of my apprehensive and suspicious habits. I wanted to re-build the trust between us.

I was more paranoid than a CIA agent. I kept on pressing her on small details that has something to do with the places that she's been...the people she's been talking to... I wanted to keep her for myself without realizing the pain that I caused her. By the time we were done for I found myself in a hole full of shit. I've crawled on all fours and cried a river of tears.

Of course showing my regret didn't change the course of events that happened before me.

She eventually found someone else, much to my disappointment. The hollow pain in my chest was back...and it lingered for extended periods of time whenever I think of her being in the arms of another man.

I thought of the things that I did.

I want to change.

I want to show her that I'm the real deal, I want to be the man that she'll grow old with.

Of course these words will make a lot of sense if I back this up with actions.

Oh well...

But there's still one thing that really bothers me...

How come most people drive on a parkway while others park on a driveway?

There you have it.

(images from INCUBUS artworks)

Points to ponder

There you have it... I'm starting something fresh...

I've been out of action for a while. I hope I can still do this right.

A lot of things have happened within the past several days. There were some bummers, but of course, there were some "number ones". (Bummers and number ones are two of the expressions I've picked up from the war novels that I've read. )

I thought everything between us would just expire from the face of the earth. I tried to keep myself busy, though to my disappointment, I found myself thinking of her.

I eventually got myself together and started to patch things up. With minimal success, I still lack the things that would make the ball rolling.

She's almost within my grasp again...due to the damage that I have experienced (which is of course my own fault to begin with) I began to reflect and learned that if I put faith and willpower in one bottle it'll be a potent combination, giving me opportunities and a lot of open doors.

There's just one more thing that I need to work on...and that is CONSISTENCY.

Without it I would just be another lonely person succumbing to sorrow and grief. I would eventually lose my sanity and throw everthing away.

Being with her (oh yeah, there were some time spent away from her as well) has taught me a lot of things...one sad fact is that I have encountered most of those things already and I never learned from it.

I'm feel good about the path that I'm taking right now. Hopefully I would see her in the crossroads again. If things go well, who knows, we might end up walking along the same path.

I want to hold her hand again...see her radiant smile...stroke her jet-black hair. It's only a matter of time.

There you have it folks...curtains fall.